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stories biography escapes archives


Overview


ELAINE;
I ♥ God, Raffles Netball (Batch '11) and my friends to the max!

Screams
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Life is designed in such a cruel, unforgiving way that most of the time, when you realised that you've made a mistake, it's usually too late to change anything.

Even if you manage to get it covered up a little, things never go back to the way they would have been if you never made that mistake. That's just the way things work.

So to add on to the guilt or the regret (or oftentimes, both), the person who made that mistake is made to dwell upon whatever happened, letting the events flow through his head, over and over again. He is unable to completely forget what has happened, unless something happens which allow him to do so. Usually, that's forgivenness, or sometimes, just a change of events that make it more like the way it should have been.

So he says, "Why cry over spilt milk?" and tries to continue life the way it had been, before any mistakes had been made. But he realised, if he had spilt his milk on carpet, a stain shall remain on the carpet, hard to clean off. It's a constant reminder to him of his mistake(s), a stain that relentlessly drills into his regret. It's pure pain.

Another thing he would say is, "Why did I do that. I should have known this would happen. If only I didn't ..."
So he realises the existence of the word "if", which he had placed in his sentence. Without "if", the sentence itself does not make any sense. But it is also the word "if" that proves to him that whatever happened had already happened, no matter how much he wished he didn't do that, he had.

I'm typing rubbish, but a blog is an online journal, isn't it?
So I'm writing this post for myself, as a constant reminder to myself that I should think properly before I do anything, anything at all that may cause me to regret what I've done. It's a small reflection of my mistakes made so far. Maybe not all, but just a small amount; those that I know I cannot make up to, no matter how much I try.


I tried, I really did.
All I can do now is to pray that things would go back to the way they were before,
before my stupidity. I thought whatever I did would probably make it better for me, it was out of selfishness. But it turned for the worse.

I know deep inside, that things will never be the way they were meant to be.
I'm sorry to you,
sorry to myself.
Sorry to whatever happened