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Overview
ELAINE; I ♥ God, Raffles Netball (Batch '11) and my friends to the max!
Screams
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Saturday, December 27, 2008
I am who I am, don't try to change me.  I' start to think about what would happen if I had done everything the way you wanted me to; Not going out, going home to mug right after school, no msning, no smsing, no socializing, no tv-ing, no chatting on the phone, no reading any books that aren't work related, no computer for more than 2 hours a day, no playing computer games, no netball, only studying, be a damn good girl, teach my brother how to read right after I finish doing my work, basically, no life. If I had actually done that, I guess I'd be an antisocial freak. And I'll probably be suffering from some psychological disorder now. I'm not the kind of person to let others take control; I need to lead my own life, make my own choices, do what I think is right. if I can't get the freedom, I'll fight for it. I may not know what is 100% right, 100% percent wrong; I may not be able to tell the distinct difference between black and white, but I'm confident to say that you don't either. We all know the existence of the grey spots. You may have gone through a lot more than me, had a lot more experiences than I had, but like me, you do not know what is totally right or wrong. What I want to do may not bring me any advantages, but it may not bring me any harms either. I don't see what's wrong with simply wanting to lead my own life myself, and go through those experiences myself. I know I do need you there to guide me, but not to control me. I am not a robot, I do not need batteries to function. I do not need to be programmed, I do not need a remote control to send signals to me so that I can work. Perhaps in your eyes, I'm only 4. But no, I'm a teen, 13 going 14. Yes, it's a young age still, but whatever you have experienced, I am experiencing. Or maybe I would have been experiencing them, if you hadn't disabled me. What I had been through's definitely less than what you have gone through, but that doesn't mean I know nothing and you know everything. I appreciate your protectiveness, your love, your caring for me. But I'd just like you to realise that it's time to at least give me a chance to make choices for myself. How would you know that it's not gonna work out when you haven't tried? Oh wait, you don't. I had tried my best to do what you want me to do. But this time, I'd like to try. If you hadn't tried to understand me, how would you know what's best for me? It's just what you think, it's not what you know. And unless you try, you won't ever know. The only One I'd let tell me what to do is God. ; I realise that when I'm angry/emo I tend to write more sensibly, compared to any other normal posts which I just randomly crap in. :/ Oh wells. ; after ages, you asked me how I was, knowing that telling you the truth won't make a difference, I said I was okay.
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